Breathe
by jalf1018
Summary: A one shot of what Alex is going through in the aftermath of Izzie's death. Song fic based on Taylor Swift's song Breathe.


_I do love Alex and Izzie together so I hope my story become inapplicable with season 6. If you're not familiar with Taylor Swift's song Breathe I highly recommend it. Please leave a review._

_Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy or the lyrics to Taylor Swift's song Breathe (which will be in italics). _

**Breathe**

Alex was in his car but unable to go anywhere. In fact he couldn't even bear to turn the key. He knew it wasn't healthy that he kept coming back here of all places. The white stones were just beyond his sight and he knew that one of them was marked "Isobel 'Izzie' Stevens Karev, 1980-2009." She had only been a Karev for a short time, hardly even a week, but he still had it engraved on her stone.

Every day for the past two weeks he had developed a routine. First he'd crawl out of bed and go to work. Then after his shift, avoiding the oncology wing like the plague, he would visit Izzie's grave. He was going to have a bench installed at the site soon. Then after finally gaining the nerve to leave after the street lights came on, he would head to Joe's and drink cheap liquor and cheaper beer until his pain was numbed. He could never get rid of the pain. It sat on his chest until he couldn't breathe. There had only ever been one person who could smile and rid him of all the pain and dark thoughts he had been experiencing, and now she was the one. She was the one causing him the pain.

_No one here to save me.  
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand,  
And I can't,  
Breathe,  
Without you,  
But I have to_

Finally Alex had the nerve to turn the car on. He drove slowly and silently down the road. He had chosen a cemetery only five minutes from Meredith's house. What would happen if he ever had to move, he wasn't ready to think about yet. She would rest, forever, only a short distance from the places he had known and loved her. Ten minutes from the hospital where they had worked side by side. Ten minutes from the bar where they had gotten to know each other outside of work. Five minutes from where they had lived together, sometimes in the same bed, sometimes separated by a mere wall. He looked into the rear view mirror. If he hadn't known better he would have swore he had seen her face. But he did know better and knew that he would never see those brown eyes again. Not filled with the life and fire he knew so well.

Finally after drowning out his thoughts with music he pulled into Joe's. Joe had figured out the routine and quickly filled a glass with tap beer, the only advantage of which was its cheap price tag. College freshman had better taste than to drink it. Alex suspected that this degradation of taste was a sign that he was at risk of not just understanding, but becoming his father. It was a fate that Alex spent years trying to avoid, but somehow it didn't matter. As long as he could work and didn't hurt anyone, it didn't matter. The only person he had ever been willing to change for was gone. He finished the first beer and switched to whiskey. He felt it burn his throat, but not quite burning away his pain. He kept drinking like this in a quiet corner of the bar, avoiding the sight of his friends.

_It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see.  
Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down,  
Now I don't know what to be without you around._

"It's midnight Karev, your cab is here." Joe said interrupting his trance.

"Thanks Joe." He said back throwing a few bills on the bar. "Put what isn't covered on my tab." Alex's tab was already in the triple digits after it being paid off with his last paycheck two weeks ago.

Joe watched as Alex stumbled out of the bar, knowing he would be back tomorrow night to do the same thing. Outside of the bar, he poured himself in to the back of the waiting taxi. It was the same cabby as last night, and the night before, and the night before that. He knew where to take Alex and as he got out the cabby accepted the grubby ten dollar bill. Slowly Alex crawled into his bed. Unable to think about her and how his young bride should be by his side, he drifted into a dreamless sleep.

Throughout all of this Izzie watched him. She hadn't wanted to leave him but she didn't have a choice. She had tried to return to him, to give him a chance to be the husband she had loved for longer than a few days. But the elevator didn't have a down button. So she was trapped. Trapped watching him drink himself into a drunken stupor every night. Trapped watching him do his job without the passion he once had had. Trapped watching him visit her grave when she wasn't there. She wished that she could just talk to him and tell him that it would all be all right. They would be together again someday.

_Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt.  
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve.  
But people are people,  
And sometimes it doesn't work out,  
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out._


End file.
